How To Stop Feeling Awkward And Start Feeling Confident

ByKaia

I’ve spent so much of my life overthinking everything — what I said, how I stood, whether I sounded weird, whether I was being “too much.” Sometimes I’d replay conversations in my head for hours afterward, cringing at things no one else probably even noticed. I knew I wanted to be more confident, but I didn’t know how to get there. I thought confidence was something people were just born with.

But here’s what I’ve learned: confidence isn’t about being perfect — it’s about being real, and being okay with that.

This post is about understanding what confidence really means, and finding practical, honest ways to feel less awkward and more at ease in your own skin. If you’ve ever felt like the “awkward one” in the room or like confidence just isn’t for you — this is for you.

What Confidence Actually Looks Like

For a long time, I thought confident people were always outgoing, charismatic, and fearless. But now I realize that’s just one version of confidence — and honestly, it’s not the one I relate to most.

Real confidence is quieter. It’s steady. It’s being able to walk into a room and not second-guess everything about yourself. It’s being able to speak up even when your voice shakes. It’s knowing who you are, even if you’re not the loudest or boldest person there.

And most importantly — it’s a skill. That means it’s something you can learn, build, and practice over time.

1. Let Go of the Need to Be “Cool” All the Time

This one was huge for me. I used to spend so much energy trying to come across a certain way — polished, smart, interesting, funny. I thought confidence meant never messing up or saying something weird. But the truth is, that constant pressure to appear a certain way actually kills confidence.

Confidence grows when you let yourself be seen, awkwardness and all.

I started noticing that the people I admired most were the ones who were just unapologetically themselves — even when they were a little goofy, or quiet, or different. They weren’t trying to be cool. They were just being real.

I remember once nervously rambling during a work meeting, then apologizing after. My boss laughed and said, “You don’t have to be perfect — just say what you think.” That moment stuck with me. It reminded me that confidence isn’t about flawless delivery. It’s about showing up as you are.

2. Notice What Makes You Feel Grounded And Do More of That

Confidence doesn’t come from thinking your way into it — it comes from feeling more at home in your body and your mind. That means paying attention to what helps you feel steady, calm, and clear.

Some things that help me feel more confident instantly:

  • Wearing clothes I feel comfortable in (not just trendy ones)
  • Doing a 2-minute posture reset — shoulders back, neck tall, soft jaw
  • Listening to music that energizes me before social events
  • Taking a moment to breathe before I speak

The more you learn what grounds you, the easier it becomes to enter situations without that awkward inner panic.

Sometimes, I just need to splash cold water on my face and take 3 deep breaths before going into a crowded room. It sounds silly, but it helps reset my nervous system and makes me feel more in control.

3. Practice Talking to Yourself Differently

So much of feeling awkward comes from the way we talk to ourselves. If you’re constantly saying things like:

  • “Ugh, I sounded so stupid.”
  • “Why did I say that?”
  • “Everyone’s judging me.”

…your brain starts to believe it. And that belief gets reinforced every time you enter a new situation.

What’s helped me is noticing those thoughts without feeding them. When I catch myself spiraling, I ask:
“Would I talk to a friend like this?”

Then I swap in something gentler:

  • “I did my best.”
  • “It’s okay to be nervous.”
  • “I’m proud of myself for showing up.”

This isn’t about lying to yourself — it’s about being kinder and more balanced. You can still acknowledge what felt awkward without tearing yourself down.

4. Start Small: Confidence Is Built in Tiny Moments

If you’re waiting for a big transformation where you suddenly “become” confident, you’ll be waiting forever. What’s worked for me is practicing in low-stakes situations.

Try things like:

  • Making eye contact and smiling at a stranger
  • Speaking up in a small group of people you trust
  • Saying what you actually want when making plans (instead of defaulting to “whatever’s fine!”)
  • Practicing saying no without overexplaining

These seem small, but they add up. Every time you do something a little outside your comfort zone and survive, your brain learns: “Hey, maybe I can handle this after all.”

I used to avoid ordering food over the phone because it made me nervous. One day I forced myself to do it — voice shaking and all — and nothing bad happened. It was such a tiny win, but I genuinely felt more capable after.

5. Let Yourself Be Seen

One of the biggest things that helped me feel more confident was learning to let go of hiding. Not just physically, but emotionally. I started letting people see me — my opinions, my style, my sense of humor, even my awkwardness.

I started speaking up more, even when my voice felt shaky. I stopped pretending I was fine when I wasn’t. And I stopped trying to act like someone I wasn’t, just to be accepted.

Yes, sometimes it felt uncomfortable. But you know what’s more uncomfortable? Constantly filtering yourself for fear of being judged.

Confidence isn’t about always feeling fearless — it’s about feeling safe enough to show up as you, even when you’re scared.

6. Reframe Awkwardness as a Shared Human Thing

Everyone feels awkward sometimes. Truly — everyone. Even the people who seem ultra-smooth and put-together. We’re all just weird little humans trying to connect and belong.

When I stopped seeing awkwardness as a personal flaw and started seeing it as a normal part of being human, it lost a lot of its power over me.

Instead of thinking, “Ugh, that was so embarrassing,” I started thinking:

  • “That was a little awkward — and that’s okay.”
  • “Everyone has weird moments.”
  • “I don’t need to be perfect to be worthy.”

Honestly? People tend to like you more when you’re a little imperfect. It makes you relatable. It makes you real.

7. Focus on Connection, Not Performance

This mindset shift changed everything for me. When I walked into social situations thinking I had to “perform” — be interesting, funny, cool — I was a nervous wreck. But when I shifted my goal to simply connect with one person, everything softened.

I’d remind myself: “I don’t need to impress anyone. I just want to connect.”

It took so much pressure off. I could ask questions, listen, be curious — instead of trying to be the most fascinating person in the room.

And the funny part? That energy is what makes someone feel confident — because it’s genuine.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve spent years feeling awkward or small, it takes time to unlearn that. But it’s 100% possible. Confidence doesn’t come from “fixing” yourself — it comes from learning to be okay with who you are, as you are.

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to be extroverted. You don’t need to have all the answers.
You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to be seen.

What’s helped me most? Practicing tiny moments of courage, being kinder to myself, and remembering that awkwardness isn’t a failure — it’s a sign I’m showing up. And I’d rather show up a little awkward than not at all.

So — if you’re feeling awkward, you’re not broken. You’re just human.
And the more you let yourself be human, the more confident you’ll feel.

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